Let's be honest, every year we make New Year's Resolutions with every good intention to keep them. Haha, yeah right. The ones like lose 10 pounds before spring break, get healthier, drink less, quit smoking, etc. Yeah, we get it. You try. It's never going to happen. So I have compiled my list of perfectly doable resolutions that I fully intent on keeping this year.
1. I will update the apps on my phone in a timely manner because that little red icon annoys the shit out of me.
2. I will listen to my voicemails within at least one month of receiving them also because of the big red notification.
3. I will say "no" more often to things I should do but simply don't want to do. If I do not want to go, I will simply say "I don't want to go." I feel no need to give anyone an explanation anymore, except for maybe that I'm already in my pajamas and I don't feel like showering.
4. I will stop trying to please everyone. It is impossible.
5. I will eat more cheeseburgers, with extra bacon, because I can.
6. I will drink less cheap wine. Not drink less wine, just less cheap wine, those hangovers are the Devil's work.
7. I will not chase anything. Men, friends or shots. I am not a little bitch.
8. I will not fix myself to be a picture perfect society posterchild. If it pleases me to look in the mirror everyday, it should please you. If it doesn't, don't look.
9. I will not wear heels just because I am supposed to. They hurt.
10. I will spend more time recognizing what my boundaries are and enforcing them in a timely manner before they get out of hand.
11. I will spend more time surrounding myself with people who enlighten me and challenge me rather than people who are there just because they've always been there.
12. I will eventually get a haircut.
13. I will buy jeans that fit, from the kids' section, and not feel bad about it.
14. I will spend more time with my parents.
15. I will attempt to learn to be patient with myself and my child.
16. I will not eat salads. It's rabbit food. Just eat your lettuce and be sad. I will be next to you eating a steak.
17. I will not go to the gym for the 28th year in a row.
18. I will do a better job of picking up the french fries in the back seat of my car.
19. I will not wait until my tank is on empty to stop at a gas station.
20. I will buy an extension cord so I can stop using Christmas lights to charge my phone and still sit my lazy ass on the couch.
21. I will change the batteries in the living room remote so I can stop cursing it every single day of my life.
22. I will stop crossing oceans for people who won't jump puddles for me.
23. I will not let my laundry pile up for months at a time.
24. I will try to pay my water bill on time.
25. I will do a better job of actually responding to texts and not just mentally responding and forgetting to actually respond.
26. I will no longer allow people to stand in the doorway of my life. You're either in or you're out, not both. If you're in, be all in. If you're out, I'll hold the door for you.
27. I will allow people to help me even though I don't want to admit I need the help.
28. I will clean out my friend's list on Facebook. Eventually.
29. I will delete people from my phone and my life entirely who have done nothing but be a problem.
30. And last but not least, I will be easy with myself. I will tell myself "Self, know yourself. Know your boundaries. Know your feelings. If you don't want to, you don't have to and that's okay."
Here's to a happy and healthy 2015. Cheers friends.
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