Girls Who Are Just Over Stereotypes

The number of times I have been called my girlfriend's best guy friend is ridiculous, but true. I hear it A LOT and that's okay with me. I know me. I like me. And the people I like, like me. Now... dating... that's a whole different ball game. I'm pretty sure guys have grouped us women in general into this emotional, crazy, "OMG my makeup" group, but there are still some of us who this category doesn't apply to at all. Let's take a moment to understand these girls and get to know them a bit better, shall we?

 

*We're not lesbians. Not that there is anything wrong with being a lesbian, this post is just not  pertaining to lesbians. We've been called lesbians, but we're not. We like the D.

 

*We're the girls screaming at the football game. We're not trying to be cute or attract male attention. We're generally invested in the game. Don't be a jerk and try to test our knowledge. You'll just look like a dick and we'll embarrass you. This goes for any sport we may be interested in, not just football.

 

*We like multiple sports. We probably participated in them growing up and we have a wealth of knowledge on our favorites. We know our favorite players, where they played, what they play and we have an opinion on why they're our favorites. Don't try to dumb us down.

 

*We have opinions. Don't ask us for our opinion unless you want an honest, no holding back response. We're not much for saving face or wondering if it'll hurt your feelings. If you ask, we will tell you exactly what we think every time.

 

*We have filthy mouths that our mothers would frown upon. Terrible. Awful. Two drinks and we're using "fuck" like a comma. Sorry. Not really. Suck it up, buttercup. I'm not the kind of person you should put on speakerphone.

 

*We drink. A lot. Period. This doesn't need to be explained.

 

*We have a lot of guy friends. Get over it. There is not a better wingman on the planet for a guy than another girl. Ask any guy who has a girl in their "bro group."

 

*We don't like emotions. We don't have time for our own, much less yours. If you need to cry about something, please call your mother. You wouldn't go cry to your bro about getting your feelings hurt, so please don't do it to me. I have no good advice, but I can always provide you with a sarcastic comment.

 

*We'll be real with you. We expect you to be real with us. Are you dating a girl and you want to break things off? Umm... grow a set and tell her. We're big girls, we can handle it. We appreciate your honesty much more than your bullshit.

 

*We will not dress up every day. Sorry not sorry. Or wear makeup. We like our real face just fine. Your problem if you don't. We dress up when we want to. Period.

 

*We have a zero bullshit tolerance policy. If we feel as if things are too hard or it just simply requires too much effort, we're out. Plain and simple. Being with somebody shouldn't have to be so damn hard. We will not, under any circumstances, beg you to be with us. Naw... we're good.

 

*If you ask us what's wrong with us and you continue to irritate the shit out of us about it, you'll get more than you bargained for. We obviously don't want to talk about it. If we wanted to talk about it with you, we would have brought it up to you on our own free will. We don't like to be forced into conversations. Not every fucking thing needs to be talked about.

 

*Don't force us to define the relationship. We will jump ship. Period. See above: not everything has to be talked about. The only thing that needs to be said is "if you're sleeping with me, I'd appreciate that you not sleep with anyone else while you're currently sleeping with me. K? Thanks." I'm not worried about defining the relationship after a month so much as I am worried about STDs. That's it. That's all you need to know. Don't hang out with me for a month and try to slap a label on me. I will slap you in your mouth. We will not change our relationship status on Facebook. Get over yourself.

 

*If we're dating and we feel as if you need to grow a set of balls bigger than our own imaginary balls, we will tell you that... to your face. Then, if you want to cry about it, call your momma.

 

*If all you want to do is sleep with us, nothing more, nothing less, tell us that. Why is that so hard? You might get lucky and end up with a girl that says "thank God" instead of one that cries about it.

 

*We don't want a boyfriend. We want a life partner. We want somebody who has our back no matter what. Someone who is our equal. Someone who's life fits with ours, not changes it.

 

So, every girl you meet is not a pretty, pretty princess who needs to be saved. Some of us can save our damn selves and all we need from you is to stand on the sidelines and clap as we walk by. Thanks.