Elmo Madness

So today I bought my child, myself and my mother tickets to see Sesame Street Live... for $120.00. Really? Kids are expensive as shit. For $120, Elmo better buy me dinner and a drink. We went year before last and let's just say, it didn't go so well...

 

Pre-Elmo Excitement

It's gonna be great, right? What could go wrong?

Let's set the scene. We're all pumped up about Elmo!! It's all we've been talking about for the 2 weeks prior. We get to the MPAC and it's packed. My kid is in the middle of potty training. After fighting the crowds of people with other tiny humans to enter the MPAC, she immediately wants to buy something. So we buy... wait for it... worst decision ever... an Elmo kickball. Whoops. Not my best idea. Then, right on schedule, she has to pee. Cue frustrated mom... now. We make our way to the bathroom with swarms of other frustrated moms with tiny, potty training toddlers and all we can do is give each other a look of "glad I'm not the only idiot who thought this was a good idea."

#thatmomentyouimmediatelyregretadecision

 

So, I pee the tiny human and make our way into the venue to find our seats. My mother purchased the seats online and actually got us really good seats. We're on the 4th row on the right side of the stage. Awesome seats!! Thanks, mom. She's pumped!! Wait... only for a second... now she wants popcorn. Ok. Great. I take her hand and we make our way through the crowds of people being seated, out of the theater and to the concession stand for popcorn and Sprite. Ok. Done. I notice other parents are buying alcohol. Noted. Parents who are smarter than I. *High Five* to those parents that night. I'm sure the night was, at least, tolerable for you. I was driving, so no Mommy drinks for me. 

 

We make our way back down to our seats. Dim the lights... awesome. She's about to be the happiest toddler on the planet, right? Not exactly.

 

Her initial reaction to all the characters on stage. FML.

Her reaction when Elmo comes down off stage to say hey. Not her finest moment.


 

My child has now cried through the first 10 minutes of the opening number and in my head I'm thinking "I'm pretty sure we should just leave at this point." But not to be defeated, we press on... crying and all. For over 2 hours.

 

After the show is over and having asked her numerous times, "Do you need to tee-tee?" we leave. We had valet parked our vehicle and mom jumped in the driver's side of my Volvo SUV. Guess what? Now she has to pee. I said, "Mom, just pull over at the Renaissance and I'll run her in and let her pee." Awesome. We press on, into the hotel and find the bathroom. All good. Great. Please, sweet baby Jesus, let's go home. We get in, buckled up and ready to go. Mom pulls off and without thinking or paying any sort of attention whatsoever, she runs the driver's side door of my brand new 2013 Volvo SUV down a concrete pole. Huge dent, paint gone. FML. Kill me now. Ok Mommy... try to be calm, it's only a car, don't get upset in front of your child, material things can be replaced, thank goodness we weren't in a real wreck. But let's be real... you just ran my $60,000 brand new SUV against a concrete pole. What in the actual fuck? Fuck.

 

So this is what I learned from our first experience with Elmo: My kid would rather have popcorn and Sprite and kick around an Elmo kickball than actually see Elmo in person, never let my mother drive and next time, buy the alcohol. Let's hope this year goes better than the last time.