At what point does life get easier? Is it when we figure out everything, because I'm not sure I'll ever know everything. Is it when we realize that bills can be drafted automatically, because that sure made life easier. Or caller ID? I'm pretty sure that was a solid win for everybody. Is it when we learn to care less? Is it when we learn to let people walk in and out of our lives freely without batting an eyelash? I can see where that would take away stress. Take away the care, take away the stress. Is that how things work now? You're just supposed to be oblivious to your feelings? Remove the feelings, take away the hurt?
The funny thing about life is, it doesn't get easier. Seems like the older you get, the harder it gets. You learn more about yourself, know yourself better, allow yourself to be more aware of your feelings, allow yourself to become vulnerable to things you think you understand and then you get hurt. Seems like a never ending cycle... this grief that overpowers your life. Grief for different reasons, but grief nonetheless. You grieve the loss of loved ones, the loss of relationships, loss of opportunities, all of those things you grieve and you grieve them differently.
The loss of a child is life long. You have time to think it through, mull over it, because you will live it every single day. You have time to grieve. But what about relationships? Are they like a band-aid, you just rip them off, give yourself a few days to cry it out and then get over it? Drink yourself silly, watch marathons of Grey's Anatomy and then, put your big girl panties on and go about life? Because nobody has time to feel sorry for you because your boyfriend left you or because your parents don't seem to care anymore, or because you missed an opportunity to better yourself. Nobody feels sorry for you. But what if your grief is all wrapped up in one? What if it's more like a slow cancer than a band-aid? What if your feelings don't allow you to differentiate? Then what? You stay stuck in a constant moment of despair? That sucks.
What if there was a "tear ceiling?" Like, okay, I've cried X amount of tears, I'm done with this situation, move on? That would be wonderful. But life's not like that and life doesn't care that you've been hurt more than the next person or you've cried more than this person. Life doesn't give a shit. It continues to throw you curve balls and basically tells you to step up to the plate and do the best you can. That sucks too.
Like that brief moment when you think you have it all together, you're happy, you're content and life says "hold up, I'm not done pitching yet, here's my curve ball." Crap. Can I have a pinch hitter? Because I can't hit for shit right now. How many times do we have to strike out before life decides to throw us a slow one right down the middle? I am in dyer need of that pitch right now.
The funny thing about life is, it doesn't get easier. Seems like the older you get, the harder it gets. You learn more about yourself, know yourself better, allow yourself to be more aware of your feelings, allow yourself to become vulnerable to things you think you understand and then you get hurt. Seems like a never ending cycle... this grief that overpowers your life. Grief for different reasons, but grief nonetheless. You grieve the loss of loved ones, the loss of relationships, loss of opportunities, all of those things you grieve and you grieve them differently.
The loss of a child is life long. You have time to think it through, mull over it, because you will live it every single day. You have time to grieve. But what about relationships? Are they like a band-aid, you just rip them off, give yourself a few days to cry it out and then get over it? Drink yourself silly, watch marathons of Grey's Anatomy and then, put your big girl panties on and go about life? Because nobody has time to feel sorry for you because your boyfriend left you or because your parents don't seem to care anymore, or because you missed an opportunity to better yourself. Nobody feels sorry for you. But what if your grief is all wrapped up in one? What if it's more like a slow cancer than a band-aid? What if your feelings don't allow you to differentiate? Then what? You stay stuck in a constant moment of despair? That sucks.
What if there was a "tear ceiling?" Like, okay, I've cried X amount of tears, I'm done with this situation, move on? That would be wonderful. But life's not like that and life doesn't care that you've been hurt more than the next person or you've cried more than this person. Life doesn't give a shit. It continues to throw you curve balls and basically tells you to step up to the plate and do the best you can. That sucks too.
Like that brief moment when you think you have it all together, you're happy, you're content and life says "hold up, I'm not done pitching yet, here's my curve ball." Crap. Can I have a pinch hitter? Because I can't hit for shit right now. How many times do we have to strike out before life decides to throw us a slow one right down the middle? I am in dyer need of that pitch right now.
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