Here are some things you should stop saying immediately before someone punches you in the face:
1. You look pretty with makeup on. Sorry, was I ugly yesterday without it? It's my face. Shut up.
2. You did your hair today, what's the occasion? Umm... my kid allowed me to go to bed on time, therefore waking up on time and she actually got herself ready today. Shut up.
3. You're too pretty to be single. Yeah? Well, I'm crazy so I win. Shut up.
4. You're too young to be hurting like that. My kid is 45 pounds. I have all this nice furniture in my house so my kid can sit directly on top of me. She's heavy. Shut up.
5. When are you having another baby? None of your damn business. My vagina, my business. Shut up.
6. When are you getting married again? Never. Shut up.
7. Your eyes are so pretty. Thanks. Now stop staring at them, it's creeping me out. Shut up.
8. You're so skinny. Do you ever eat? Yes. Like a grown ass man hostage. Every single damn day. Shut up.
9. You're so short. I'm aware. I've known me my whole life. Yes, I can ride the roller coasters. Shut up.
10. You're too young to be tired. I'm a single mom with a 4 year old. Oh, I also have this gig on the side called a full-time job. Shut up.
11. You're so sarcastic. Nope, I'm just mean and people think I'm joking. Kidding. Maybe. Shut up.
12. You're so nice. No, I'm not. I would punch you in the face if it were socially acceptable, but it's not. Shut up.
13. I bet your parents pay for your car. Nope. Perks of having good credit. Shut up.
14. I bet your parents pay all your bills. Nope. I'm not a moron. Budgeting is not that hard. Shut up.
15. You look good in (insert certain color). I'm sorry. Do I look terrible in all the others? Shut up.
16. Why are you wearing your sunglasses inside a store? Because I obviously don't want to be bothered or I would look you in your face sans sunglasses. Shut up.
17. Your little sister is precious!! That's my kid. I'm 28, not 12. Shut up.
18: Well, she doesn't look anything like you!! Thanks? How am I even supposed to take that? Just shut up.
19. OMG!! Your hair is sooooo long. Yup... I have eyes and I can use them. How long did it take you to grow it out? Really? It's been growing my whole life. Shut up.
20. When guys say "you're really intimidating." Don't be such a little bitch. Shut up.
16. Why are you wearing your sunglasses inside a store? Because I obviously don't want to be bothered or I would look you in your face sans sunglasses. Shut up.
17. Your little sister is precious!! That's my kid. I'm 28, not 12. Shut up.
18: Well, she doesn't look anything like you!! Thanks? How am I even supposed to take that? Just shut up.
19. OMG!! Your hair is sooooo long. Yup... I have eyes and I can use them. How long did it take you to grow it out? Really? It's been growing my whole life. Shut up.
20. When guys say "you're really intimidating." Don't be such a little bitch. Shut up.
21. And last but not least... my favorite - SMILE! Seriously? It's called resting bitch face and it keeps me from getting wrinkles. Otherwise, it's just how my face looks. SHUT UP!!
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| Because you will get this face every, single fucking time. |
Just a few things for ya:
ReplyDelete1. If someone told me my hair was long or I had pretty eyes, or looked good with make up, I would take that as a compliment. Not bash them just because you think it makes for good reading on this heinous blog.
2. Yes, we all know you're skinny, perhaps too skinny. Eww. But I'm sure you know this because you have eyes and know how to use them.
3. Why on Earth would you want to be an intimidating person. It's incredibly unattractive. Oh I get it now.... That's why you're single.
4. So, now you're wondering - "ugh, like why is he even like reading my blog then, like ugh?" I was referred by a friend to check it out. Less than impressed.
5. All you wanted to accomplish with this blog post, was to let your readers know how "pretty" everyone "thinks" you are. Only to turn around and act ungrateful for all the kind things people have said about you.
6. The only reason you posted the selfie at the end of your post, is because you "think" you look hot. There's no telling how many pictures you had to take to find the "hottest" one. Yeah. I don't think you found it. Keep scrolling girl. Hey... you might find it under all that sarcasm, wait, nope... not there either.
7. Yes, this is your blog. You are free to write whatever you want. And Yes, there is a comment box, so brace yourself for the comments regarding your shameful, outlandish and truly horrific parenting.
8. Lastly, about that selfie, you know the one, with the "pause sign wrinkle" between your eyebrows? Yeah, resting bitch face isn't really your "color." You do look terrible in it.
So please shut up.
Ok so let me get this straight for some unknown reason you decided to take if upon yourself to bash her for what you think is ploy for attention. Did you ever think that maybe she was just tired and frustrated from countless creeps hitting on her with the oldest and obvious lines. Let's not mention that fact that you took time to criticize nearly everything on the list as if you were given this right by the blog gods. Also on the parenting skills which you dubbed shameful, outlandish and truly horrific, who are you to judge her on how she raises her own daughter. Are you the father, no, are you her mother, no, are you her father, no, so with that said shut up and mind your business. If you haven't noticed she post a picture in every blog so this "selfie" is just that a picture for the blog not some attempt to look hot as you put it. So you know the only men who find an intemidating woman unattractive is weak minded and not confident enough to handle her.
DeleteNoted. Now which one of your opinions will be paying my bills this month? Oh, none? Great. Move on.
ReplyDeleteLove to read your blogs!!!
ReplyDeleteAwesome. Feel free to share them!! Sorry about the "F" word so much.
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